the cold returns…

RED letter day – I finally turned the heat on. 

Up to this morning, I have had the thermostat set at 50 (the lowest it can go on this ancient model).  After struggling to get out of bed – from under the electric blanket – and checking the thermometer outside on the back fence and seeing it hovering between 20 and 30 ….well, I figured it was time.    So creaked it up to 70 to jump start the heating process and then down to 62 in the late afternoon.  Tonight it goes back to 55 for the overnight hours.  (It was great to see how LOW my gas usage was for the last month)

However it will probably help the sinus infection which I thought was better ; Mon and Tue had tried to return to normalcy.  But I guess its not done – today back to achy and fever.  So heat on and lots of water, etc.  and a long hot shower to kick out the remaining gunk.

But at least on Monday returned to practicing – its been (YIKES) a month since I practiced (hmmm sounds like confession !).  I got a bit crazy the weeks before Christmas – there were so many errands to do – my very favorite WARM good leather boots needed mended, my very favorite Coach purse needed the strap fixed (the one that broke on my one vacation trip last summer), and a bunch of other odds and ends – including the big one – getting the goods needed for the xmas present making.  And then the mad dash to get stuff made and shipped before the big holiday

AND  THEN my nephew was born early on Dec 23rd  – and all planning and preparation went out the window  and so the next few weeks flew by as the nanny was on vacation…she came back last week.   But I was still helping out – going to the grocery for my sister and running some errands and trying to buy a car.  And then my sister’s bday was last Thursday (this is the youngest sister who lives in the same village – I’ll call her Village Sister) and then the other sister who lives in the Berkshires (I’ll call her Berkshire Sister) came down with her son and so we had family dinner etc.  And then on Friday more grocery and errands and by Friday night  I got sick…. So that’s were the time has gone.

So recuperating slowly.  In the meantime… doing a lot of thinking about the next steps.

I am posed at the bend of a huge fork.  Corporate America has signed off and I don’t know if I want to fight for what I really don’t want except for the monetary value.  The personal price would be high and the battle/war long and they have “deep pockets” as a knitting friend said and I don’t.

So what now?

Dreams of a fulfilling life.  Hard things to talk about on a blog – hard things to see honestly and objectively.  When one is twenty or even thirty, immortality and the never ending optimism of the all seeming possibility of doing anything abound.  At least for me they did.  Too much so.   And I am too truly Southern – tomorrow really never does come does it? 

And its hard to continue to pursue dreams when so many have dashed.    But as Henry Ford said “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently”  or another one of my touchstones “ Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill.  Somedays enthusiasm is hard to muster up.

And moving to a small village full of families and children has only reignited the desire to have a family – and what happened to that along the way to where I am now?   Being single in the city (and no it was not like SJP) was less obvious than in a village (heck in my building – we are two couples and two singles)

oh hell what a grippy post.  enough for today; I’m going to stop and finish listening to the Met 2000 SIEGFRIED (its the beginning of Act 3 right now) – LOVE James Morris as Wotan.  and knit.  (that’s keeping me sane anyhow).

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